If we have experienced chronic stress or trauma, our nervous system responses may get stuck in maladaptive patterns. These patterns of response likely helped us survive at one time in our life; there is tremendous wisdom in these responses. However, when our responses don’t match the current situation, we can inadvertently cause problems for ourselves and in our relationships. For example, we may have very strong reactions to conflicts in relationships, reacting quickly with anger or shutting down or withdrawing at the first sign of threat. Understanding the biological basis of these automatic responses can help take the fear and shame out of the healing process and allow us to explore our own patterns with curiosity and compassion.
Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.
– Peter A. Levine
Trauma can be defined as any experience or set of experiences that overwhelmed our ability to cope and in which we felt alone. This can mean that we experienced things that were too much, too soon, or too fast and/or we experienced the absence of something we needed. Trauma is not the event, but the impact of the event or experience on our nervous systems.1 Trauma or chronic stress can alter the way our nervous system functions such that our perceptions can be distorted, leading us to perceive danger when no danger is present and/or to miss signals of real danger when it is present.2
Unresolved trauma can create impairments in nervous system functioning such that we get stuck on “on” and find ourselves frequently activated, anxious, irritable, hypervigilant, bracing, or aggressive. Or, stuck on “off” where we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed to the point of shutdown, tired, numb, unmotivated, and feeling “checked out”. If we have experienced significant trauma or chronic stress in our lives, we may find ourselves cycling between these two ‘survival’ states with very little time feeling fully present, grounded, and connected in the moment. These impairments, if we don’t tend to them, can create chronic disruptions in our ability to feel connected to ourselves and the important people in our lives.
For example, you may start a session feeling relatively grounded and with a low level of ‘disturbance’. However, when you begin to recount a difficult exchange with your partner or a challenging moment as a parent, your nervous system ‘state’ may shift. You may begin talking faster and find that your breath becomes more shallow and your heart rate accelerates. Or, your shoulders may curve inward and your voice may slow. The body is communicating the impact of the distress you are experiencing in the here and now.
Part of what we will do together is bring attention to your unique nervous system, how it operates to keep you safe and when you may be unconsciously responding to events with outdated threat responses. The body knows how to heal itself. When we give ourselves the gift of slowing down and bring kind attention to ourselves, the nervous system will often move in the direction of integration and greater regulation on its own.
Over time, with compassion and care, we can expand the flexibility of our nervous system responses, restore a sense of agency and choice and learn to find our way back to clarity and calm with greater ease.
